naturallywavy | [ FUTUROLOGY ] ✖ IC CONTACT

[She stays for the entirety of the memorial; anything less would have been outright disrespect to the goddess she'd watched die that same morning. The irony of the situation still hasn't escaped her, that she should remain standing where Nalanni had fallen despite having committed the exact same crime. When the rest of the recruits and the Nalawi scatter afterwards, she lingers at the memorial site for a good twenty minutes before tracing old footsteps to the beach, devoid of life after such a grueling day.

For the first time in many years, she finds herself adrift, lacking in a steady anchor and buffeted to and fro by the gusts of more questions than she can count. Her usual rationality has failed her now, and so she casts out towards someone that might understand her, if even a little bit.]

Still alive?

[Easier to start with something so non-committal.]

_{[ Here's a text message from somebody he hasn't heard from in awhile. It wasn't exactly a bad thing— not at all— but Gintoki hardly reached out to people so he was always fine with receiving messages.
Especially from people like Riza.

Gintoki had assisted in the battle between the goddesses, butonly specific circumstances. Anybody who saw him fight may have seen the pain in his eyes awhile doing it.
Gintoki, however, didn't lay a finger on Nalanni. ]}

i'm the protagonist.
of course i'm still alive.

_{[ Nobody really knows this (and he hopes they don't), but Gintoki had grown very fond of the Nalawi people. ]}

[The reply he sends back is typical: nonsensical, touching just enough on the original message that she can't suspect of him of pulling the first thing out of his head without even bothering to read. Ordinarily it'd be enough to place a small scowl of irritation on her lips, but today?

She's relieved he's alive, that all of them are still alive. Well. Almost all.]

The protagonist doesn't always live. Sometimes the villain does.

[It's hard to tell who she's referring to in this case.]

_{[ That's for sure. He's seen it happen back home before, but somehow, miraculously, he's made it through it all.

He made it through it all. The people he loves sometimes don't.
Why is it that way? Why couldn't it be the other way around?

Gintoki says nothing in response to what she says, and it takes him awhile to reply, but when he does: ]}

hey aren't you like the law or something?
you think what we're doing is right?

_{[ He means ALASTAIR as a whole; not just this particular mission. ]}

[She doesn't mind the silence so much, continues staring off at the horizon until her jewelry lightly pings her again, one (1) new message waiting to be read. It's not exactly the message she expects (then again, his never are) but she can't say it's not a question that hasn't been on her mind a great deal in the past few weeks.

The pause on her end matches his, edging it out by ten seconds before she sighs and allows a wisp of brutal honesty through.]

I don't know. I don't know if I trust myself to separate right from wrong anymore.

_{[ it sounds like Riza sounds.. guilty, maybe? Gintoki was very good at reading people and finding out their emotions, but Riza was by far one of the most guarded ones that he had met here.

It really made him want to find out what made her tick. ]}

ah what is that?
not feeling the heroic spirit anymore?

_{[ She jumped into action back at Chantes. Was the Nalawi mission also upsetting her like it was him? Before she can respond to his question, another message goes out: ]}

you know i need a haircut soon.
there's only one person around here i trust to do that.

I'm far from a hero.

[That retort, at least, comes quick enough. It's the one thing she's certain of in this mess and back home.

But that doesn't tie in at all with his second remark, one that takes a little more time to answer (if only because it's so unexpected.)]

You put up quite a fight last time, if I recall correctly.

_{[ I'm far from a hero, she says.
Something Gintoki repeats to himself over and over. There's too much blood on his hands— too many people killed because he wants to protect.
It comes with a price, and that price is a burden that rests on his shoulder the rest of his life.

Those words cause a slight chill to him, so he doesn't say anything about it. Instead, he proceeds forward: ]}

you got the job done at least didn't you?
give yourself some credit.

_{[ if she's cutting his hair, it'll give him a private one on one setting iwth her and he can pry at her—
To make sure she is okay.
To make sure she is safe. ]}

[Not exactly a five-star review, but she'll take it. (Maybe that's the next thing she ought to learn about, Yelp.) But for now, her lips purse together momentarily before smoothing back out.

Fine.]

Name a time and place, then.

[And she'll be there.]

as soon we get back to oska.
i'll find you.

_{[ a beat. ]}

all of this didn't have to end this way.

[How creepily stalkerish. But, that's not what's important here.]

Maybe not, but we can't go back in time and change what we've done.

course not.
but maybe we can press forward and change what we're about to do.
what they'll have us do.
_{[ He's not gonna deal with this bullshit every single mission they come across. ]}

Edited 2016-06-22 04:18 (UTC)

That's very optimistic of you to say.

[Not at all sarcastic, just mere fact. Is this another one of this 'protagonist' traits?]

You're very encouraging to everyone except yourself.

_{[ oops, she hit the nail right on the head! This girl has a habit of doing that, doesn't she?
Riza doesn't see it, but he's physically waving his hand around in the air. ]}

ah, ah? what was that? i don't think so..
c'mon you don't think i take a good look in the mirror now and then at myself?
who is it whose number 1 in the popularity polls? who has been published in over 500 chapters of ongoing manga?

nobody but gin-san.
i encourage myself enough.

Edited 2016-06-23 02:11 (UTC)

some people just need more than i do.

[There he goes again. It may as well be a deflection mechanism by this point, how often he pulls it out every time the discussion turns remotely serious. (Or so she guesses; hard to tell over text.)]

That doesn't mean you don't still need encouragement. Someone needs to pay attention to you, while you're too busy paying attention to everyone else.

_{[ When it comes to attention, Gintoki has a weird relationship with it. He loves it when people love him, and yet, he tries to distance himself from them still. Mostly, he's got a childish heart, so he'll take any attention when he gets it.

Though, somehow, he feels like he doesn't deserve it. ]}

guess it's just how i was raised.
though riza-san....

if you wanna pay attention to me you can.
_{[ don't say stuff like that. ]}

[Ah.]

Doesn't the protagonist get plenty of attention? You don't need extra attention from me.

[She's not exactly the kind of woman anyone ought to be angling for.]

_{[ Who wouldn't want attention from you, Riza? That's what he almost says, but that's a little too smooth, so of course he doesn't even really think about it. It just pops in his head a brief moment. ]}

the protagonist has gotta have a sidekick, you know.
_{[ you're the side kick now??? wow. ]}

[Wow. This convo is going south real fast. (But don't they all?]

Then I wish you the best of luck finding one. I'm sure you wouldn't want one that would end up killing you years from now.

_{[ Hang on a moment.. Riza really is beginning to sound like him, and at that last message, Gintoki seems to know exactly— or the roundabouts— what is going on in Riza's mind.

And it isn't pretty. It's an awful feeling— an awful burden for one to carry on their shoulders.

To kill a love one.

He still has nightmares; he still remembers vividly in all of its disgusting, gory details. The sound of his sword splicing through the neck of his most beloved, and the choked cries of his friends in the background. Now that Gintoki thinks of it, he's certain it was only Takasugi's voice that cried, as Katsura was probably too stunned to actually react.

It was his fault.
Somehow, someway, Gintoki hoped that maybe the goodness he did on Earth would redeem him for all of the bad that he did. In actuality, though, he didn't really care for his own sake. He was on a path for Hell and if he needed to drag down more people who deserved it with him, he would.

Even if Gintoki felt like his body and soul wasn't worth anything anymore, he still knew that he was a good person as he lived on and on for now.
He still knew Riza was a good person as well. ]}

you will only be in equal company..
riza-san.

as they say, birds of a feather flock together.
_{[ His hands are marked with blood of a loved one, too.
He'll be here for you. ]}

[She should say something more probing in response to that, take this opportunity to pry and dig until he gives up something that isn't a throwaway line. (Equal company, he says - surely he can't have done what she presumes herself to have done already?)

But at the same time, she's tired and vulnerable, too self-pitying to truly concern herself with others.]

And your feathers are in need of a trim. Don't go anywhere, I'll find you.

i look forward to it.
_{[ and seeing you, tbh. ]}

[ FUTUROLOGY ] ✖ IC CONTACT

post-nalanni funeral, i am only three months late

aaaay i'm excited

holy shit and then i died, i'm so sorry

its ok i kind of did too HAHA

go us

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1.2

2.2

jk this isn't the fortune cookie game

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and then i completely forgot to reply, my bad

ALL GOOD??? i guess we'll log it in oska???